7.11.2005
Goodwill Hunting...
I've always stuck to #1. I've always looked out for #1.
Now, there's only #1.
Everything I've done in my life, I've pushed everyone away. I tried to let people in, but obviously I either didn't try hard enough, or I didn't know how. I did it with my family, my friends, my teams, and my wife. Anyway, now I'm completely alone.
Em has decided to go ahead with the divorce. It causes me to have this range of emotions, all of which drive me mad, and none of which I am able to exhibit. I feel like my life is crumbling apart, and everything IN my life is coming to an apex. The combination of the two forces is too much for me to handle.
I saw Goodwill Hunting a few times in the past few days, and Will Hunting has the same complex. The only differences between him and me is, he was brilliant and fictional.
How did I let my life get like this? Seriously, how inept of a person can I be...to have this kind of outlook on life? How can I be this much of a failure?
The funny thing is...I'm *not* a failure...at least, it appears as such. But I am, and I don't want to sway anyone's theory otherwise.
I wish there was a way to go back in time. I have so many regrets right now, it's amazing. I'm living the bizarro world of what I want to live.
And you know what the strange part is? Ten years ago, I thought about where I'd be ten years from then.
And I envisioned this.
And I never stopped it from happening.
(Sorry to bring down the life of whomever reads this.)
(Hell, who am I kidding? Nobody reads this.)
I've always stuck to #1. I've always looked out for #1.
Now, there's only #1.
Everything I've done in my life, I've pushed everyone away. I tried to let people in, but obviously I either didn't try hard enough, or I didn't know how. I did it with my family, my friends, my teams, and my wife. Anyway, now I'm completely alone.
Em has decided to go ahead with the divorce. It causes me to have this range of emotions, all of which drive me mad, and none of which I am able to exhibit. I feel like my life is crumbling apart, and everything IN my life is coming to an apex. The combination of the two forces is too much for me to handle.
I saw Goodwill Hunting a few times in the past few days, and Will Hunting has the same complex. The only differences between him and me is, he was brilliant and fictional.
How did I let my life get like this? Seriously, how inept of a person can I be...to have this kind of outlook on life? How can I be this much of a failure?
The funny thing is...I'm *not* a failure...at least, it appears as such. But I am, and I don't want to sway anyone's theory otherwise.
I wish there was a way to go back in time. I have so many regrets right now, it's amazing. I'm living the bizarro world of what I want to live.
And you know what the strange part is? Ten years ago, I thought about where I'd be ten years from then.
And I envisioned this.
And I never stopped it from happening.
(Sorry to bring down the life of whomever reads this.)
(Hell, who am I kidding? Nobody reads this.)
Comments:
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I know it's hard to believe right now, but you need to have faith that this too will pass. The feelings you're having are not out of line with the emotions anybody has when they go through this type of situation, but don't put too much stock in them or else they'll wind up lingering far longer than they should. You're a good guy at heart even though you don't always show it, and your friends and family know this. But if you can open up to the world in a blog, you can open up to them as well. Just give it time.
And don't listen to any of your favorite bands, or you'll just associate it with this time in your life, and then you won't be able to listen to them anymore. It's awful.
And don't listen to any of your favorite bands, or you'll just associate it with this time in your life, and then you won't be able to listen to them anymore. It's awful.
# posted by 
: 10:35 AM
: 10:35 AM
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it.
I do wish I know who sent this. If you did and you read this, could you let me know who you are? Thanks in advance.
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I do wish I know who sent this. If you did and you read this, could you let me know who you are? Thanks in advance.
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